Fantasy.

Things I fantasize about.

Sometimes I imagine things. Probably silly things. Mostly.

• A job. That I like. That doesn't feel too dead ended.
• Being a professional wrestler. There's something about imagining you're facing your problems in the Steel cage and suplexing them into submission. 
• Swinging like Spiderman through the buildings of NYC.
• Getting a job interview.
• Never having to switch off so I can get more done.
• Performing the Jedi mind trick to get free coffee. 
• Being as smart as The Doctor.
• Moving.
• Being normal.
• Building a better world.
• Giving a great talk. Or lecture. 
• Introverting to inspiration. To my bliss.
• Run a half marathon.
• Traveling in the TARDIS
• Publishing. (Maybe my research project will actually succeed or I'll write a great novel).
• Vacationing someplace new I've never been before and not freaking out b/c of it.
• Sleeping enough.
• Becoming a beer brewing internet guru. 
• Repeating my (mostly non-roaring) 20's.
• Becoming a speed reader.
• Falling in love.
• Getting a hug. Every day. 

Write Right. Write. Right.

It is early in 2013 and I'm thinking about resolutions. 

One of them is to get things written down. In digital or hand written form. I'd like to do a post a week. I want to get a good work flow going on one of my projects at work. Though I still don't see what's interesting about it. One problem I have is feeling disconnected. Not just from my work, but from people too. I'm re-reading the section in 'Daring Greatly' (now one of my favorite books) about how people become disconnected. The amount of times I tear up in reading passages and seeing just how many layers of shielding and armor I've wrapped myself in is astounding. No wonder I feel so stuck. 

I was reminded of this line from 'Doctor Who' recently: 

"The Doctor said the universe was huge and ridiculous and, sometimes, there were miracles."

I'm kind of hoping for a miracle this year. Not that I'm a literal believer in such things per se, but there are things I find miraculous. Like yesterday, I got a message from a friend telling me exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. 

As the title of this post suggests, I want to write more this year (and do it right!). In this space, but also in my work, writing cover letters and formatting resumes and sending them to whoever I can; a real miracle would be getting hired. While I do believe in myself more & feel like I can make meaningful contributions to a lab/company, it's still hard to see the change happening. All I can do is make a real effort to get it done.  

I'm still in my own way too much. A mantra I'm trying to internalize is "Do More. Think less."

Two blog posts have caught my attention this week:

Penelope Trunk suggests banning the word 'busy'

and 

The always good suggestions of Sarah Peck, in this case a list of 52 suggestions for good life habits (#16. Do something that terrifies you. Every Day.)

Publishing a post here terrifies me. So I've done that for the day. 

At the beginning of 2013, I can tell I have some better habits that I've slowly formed over the last year. And I feel like I am slowly chugging forward, as opposed to being a train that had stopped (seemingly permanently) at a depot. 

I don't know where in the huge and ridiculous universe the train will take me, but mostly, the thing I want to do is feel connected again. Be connected. Probably fall flat on my face and fail more often than not, but the main point is to not think about things so much. Just do them and trust myself enough that my first instincts are correct. That I do have a decent brain that can solve problems, interpret, note, observe and explore. All while continuing to serve as an example to others of previous bad habits as a postdoc and my development of much better ones. 

I know none of this sounds specific, but that's the part I'm not going to share with the world. 

Good luck and best wishes in 2013,