Logistics are great, but I still need motivation as well. To that end, I have been bombarding myself with as many positive messages as possible. And it does help. A recent favorite is itstartswith, written by Sarah Peck, a creative person who lives in San Fransisco.
I have been doing my job here more, but haven't really looked for or applied to any jobs in the last two months or so. It's just a feeling like there's no point to it until I can feel accomplished here and actually learn a few more things.
So as I posted before, I do feel back in several ways. Just expressing myself in this blog helps. I also still feel stuck, like I'm not enough, and can't possibly make it in the 'real world'. I am going to attend two conferences later this year, so hopefully I won't turn into my shy self there and actually get to have some really positive interactions.
Doing isn't easy for me. Perhaps it's because I haven't hit upon the parts of my life I truly enjoy participating in. A lot of what I do doesn't feel like it's for me, I'm doing it for someone else. I'm happy to help, but I need to nurture things I want to do too. Sometimes I feel like I barely know what it is I like doing or what I'm truly passionate about. Science, sure, but I still feel like I haven't hit upon where I fit in the scientific community.
At least by doing, I am getting started on things I was afraid or just too depressed to get started on. May it continue.